The Dark Tunnel

The Dark Tunnel or The Bottomless Pit? 

Either way the journey will take us through some unpleasant territory. So why do we enter the dark phase when we know we are going to have some unpleasantness?

Well! I can only speak for myself! 

I entered the darkness in my unaware state. I dint know I was unaware but in my spiritual arrogance I thought I was enlightened. I waded through some dark and ugly muck. In my ignorance, I thought the world had been unfair to me. I thought I was betrayed by life. I felt despair of the darkest kind. I felt I wanted to give up, up and go away! I wanted out of life!

But then as always, I was shown the ray of dawn. Or should I say I showed myself the ray of hope that could heal me. I knew I needed some success before I could even begin to show healing as a palpable thing. I needed to know I am going to be okay.

I turned to my beloved teacher - Thay. I allowed his words and calm to touch me, penetrate me, to caress me like the cool wind on a hot summers afternoon. I heard him say healing is possible, that everything is possible. That peace is a seed in me and that I had to water the seed and nourish it and let it nourish me. 

So, one breath at a time, I am slowly meditating my way to healing and freedom. I am slowly breathing my way out of fear and despair into being human in this body. I heard Thay say that we continue to exist in our thoughts, speech and actions long after we cease to exist in our physical bodies. 

In the life as I know it, everything is impermanent. If nothing is eternal or permanent, then I began to believe that my fear and despair too is not me and will soon be allowed to be transformed by me. 

And hence I take my pen again. In the firm belief that I will see light again.